Twenty-four days 'til Thirty...The one about religion...

I was actually going to write this post two days ago, but then life got in the way and I had to write a couple of quick posts (it's only week one and I'm already struggling).  This is one post that I really wanted to make sure I had some time to sit and craft properly as it may be one of the more polarizing posts that I write.

I grew up in the south as you saw from last Friday's post.  If you read that post, you saw that the island I grew up on encompasses about 33 square miles.  On that 33 square miles, there are about 15 churches.  Do the math on that one...that's a lot of churches (of course mostly protestant and all christian).  Simply put...the church and religion were a big part of my upbringing.

To be clear, I think there is a big difference between religion and faith.  I think they get clumped together a lot in people's minds, but for me, even though they are symbiotic, they are two separate animals.  I would never begrudge anyone their beliefs as long as they don't hurt anybody else nor oppress anyone in any way.

I guess I'll start with my own definition of faith vs. religion.  For me, Faith is your beliefs in your creator, higher being(s), deity(ies), fate, collective soul (not the band), karma, etc... It is something that is very personal, ethereal, and hard to explain.  It is something that nobody can dictate for you.  You have to discover it on your own and cultivate it...or choose not to.  Religion is the institutionalized rules, practices, decorum, and traditions that surround a similar faith.  It is man made.  Therein lies the problem for me.

Growing up, my parents never forced a religion on my sister and I.  As I've grown up and cultivated my own beliefs, it is one of the things that I appreciate most about the way they raised us.  My father was brought up United Methodist and my mother Catholic.  Our family church was Little Grove United Methodist Church:

When I say Family Church, I really mean it.  The land was given to the church by my great-grandfather, my great-grandmother was the pianist, her daughter, my grandmother, was the organist, and in high school, I was the full-time organist for almost 4 years.

Like I said, my parents never forced my sister and I to adopt their religious beliefs, and once we were old enough to stay at home by ourselves, they didn't force us to go to church either.  From middle-school on, I was a very involved, very willing member of my church.  I got baptized and confirmed in my early teens, went to youth group, bible study, and church camp.  I went to church each Sunday at 7:45 AM to start playing the organ or piano for the service.  I organized the Christmas Eve candlelight service each year (sometimes directing a group of singers or musicians for that extra special touch).  Here is a clip from an actual video tape of one such service:

Although I know it was a gradual process, my redefining and questioning my religious beliefs, I do remember one defining moment that was kind of the catalyst that started that questioning process.  It was some youth group trip we were about to go on and the leaders of the youth group decided that we were not allowed to bring any secular music on the trip with us.  An iPod was not a thing, but we weren't even allowed to bring our own CDs for our discman, unless it was religious.  If I could roll my eyes via this keyboard, I would.

I know that's a small thing, but telling me to limit my music in the name of God was a bit too much for me.  During that same time period, we had a preacher at my church that I really didn't like either.  By the time I was 19, I wasn't going to church at all.  So, contrary to popular belief, my coming out had little to nothing to do with my exodus..ha...from the church (in the beginning).

I was still filled to the brim with christian ideals and stories that I had learned from the bible. I thought I had it all figured out for myself. I didn't need to go to church to have a relationship with God...I had a personal relationship and understanding with God and didn't need to go to church to prove that.

That still remains true, I just don't have the same idea of "God" that most people do.  I'm an out-and-proud Agnostic.  Our friends over at Merriam-Webster define an agnostic as:

1: a person who holds the view that any ultimate reality (as God) is unknown and probably unknowable; broadly : one who is not committed to believing in either the existence or the nonexistence of God or a god

This is pretty accurate for me.  I would stay that I still have faith, in that I'm spiritual.  I still pray...I just don't have a clear definition of to what or whom I am praying to.  To me...that's faith.  I just don't think that it is possible for man to define what God is or what God wants.  It is a concept that is so beyond our intellect and understanding that trying to put rules on how to worship or how to live or how much of your income to give to the church in order to be in God's good graces is ridiculous to me.

So what of the afterlife? Heaven and Hell are things I think of often. I don't believe that there is such a place as Hell. I don't believe that any God would send its creations to torture for all eternity no matter what their crime. For that reason I don't believe in Satan. We don't need a scapegoat for the bad decisions we make...we make them quite well on our own without some red guy with horns and a pitch fork trying to tempt us...Satan is just an excuse for people who want to say "It weren't me, the Devil made me do it!" (I hope you read that in a thick country accent, because that's how I typed it).  I also think that sometimes bad things just happen.  It's not an evil being leading your life astray.  Is that any less ridiculous than the ancient Greeks thinking that the sun rising was because Apollo was riding his flaming chariot across the sky?  That being said, I don't necessarily believe in Heaven the way it is conceptualized in most of our brains. I don't think we get rewarded for "good behavior" by our souls being transported to a paradise in the sky. However, I can't believe that people just die and that's that either. Perhaps that's my version of Hell. When you die, you're just dead. But I feel like those good and decent people...their consciousness (or soul as it were) must still exist after the body is dead. There's just too much life in us all for death to be the end of the road...too much love, thoughts, and memories to just disappear. But then again, I also believe that all living things have a consciousness that doesn't just disappear.  I mean...I'll admit it...I believe in ghosts, so I have to believe in some form of afterlife.

Blerg...complicated brain think hurt head.

Before I start rambling too much (or is it too late for that?), the basic premise of this post is that I am not an atheist.  Nor am I a Christian, Buddhist, Muslim, Hindu, Wicca or whatever that Tom Cruise religion is.  I just don't believe in man-made religions.  And if your religion says that I am going to be eternally roasted or not be admitted into a fluffy country club because of that...then I rest my case.  If you think less of me or pity me because our beliefs are different and don't align...I rest my case further.

I believe everyone should live their lives with the premise of "Do No Harm".  Help each other out, be kind to one another, and put much more positive energy out there than negative and all will be well.  Again, I don't begrudge anyone their religion or beliefs...so don't begrudge mine.  And don't try to convince me that your religion is the right one either.  Being agnostic is not being undecided or wavering in faith.  In fact, I've never felt so comfortable and solid in my "faith" as I do at this point in my life.

That's enough of that for now.  What say you Michael Stipe?:

BYEEE!