I had my first cigarette in 1994 when I was in 6th grade. That's 12 years old for those who are counting. I remember I had stayed at a friends house and his mother was giving me a ride home and I noticed cigarette sitting on the back seat of her car (she was a smoker) and I took it. At the time, many of the people in my school were doing far worse things than smoking cigarettes, but I was such a goody two-shoes, I felt like a real rebel taking that cigarette. I went home and started to think about how I was going to smoke it...I was extremely nervous, yet determined to go through with my act of rebellion. I knew a lot of people in my neighborhood, and I didn't want them to see me smoking it. I didn't want to smoke it in my room...that would smell and my window faced the rest of the neighborhood and someone may have seen me! So I did the completely logical thing and went into my parents bathroom (it had a window...duh) and started to smoke it. I was so nervous, I broke the thing in half, which made it even harder to smoke. I probably took about 4 drags...hands shaking...and then I couldn't take the pressure anymore and put it out and had to get rid of the evidence. Now besides the fact that my house was right near the woods where I could have smoked this cigarette, what I did next still makes me laugh. I wish I could remember what my little 12 year old brain was thinking. Rather than just flush the remains of the cigarette...evidence gone...I got the cigarette wet in the sink, to make sure it was out, wrapped it in a piece of toilet paper, then buried it. WHAT?!? I then changed my clothes, brushed my teeth about 47 times, and drenched my parents bathroom in air freshener. In spite of all of that idiocy...I still felt pretty cool after my first official act of rebellion. I also didn't smoke again until I was about 17, when me and my friends who smoked would go on the beach to do it. I wasn't officially addicted until I was 18 and moved away for college. At that point, cigarettes were $2.80 a pack (the same brand goes for around $6.00 these days in NC). My freshman year, you could smoke in the residence halls as long as you and your roommate agreed that it was OK. It started as a social thing, but by December 2001, I was officially a smoker and officially addicted.
Here we are 12 years later. WOW. Insane. Now throughout that 12 years, there have been many periods where I quit. Usually for 3-4 month spurts, the longest lasting about 7 months. But still...that's a lot of cigarettes. I've done patches, gum, prescriptions, cold-turkey, smoking cessations, e-cigarettes, you name it. Some with more success than others. The moral of the story is...quitting is hard. REALLY hard. And I know that thousands of people quit successfully every day, but each experience is unique and different. I currently have a deadline to quit completely because the campus where I work and live is going smoke free. It's actually pretty funny the different reactions I've gotten from people when this policy was announced. It was as if a family member had passed..."Are you going to be OK?" "What can I do for you in this difficult time?" My answer, at this point in my life, is...it's OK. I don't need ONE MORE reason to quit and I'm ready for it.
These reactions are quite appropriate and come from a place of care and concern. With most of the country jumping on the "smoke-free" bandwagon, smoking has never been so taboo. It's a big sticking point in most relationships and most people immediately shut down the possibility of even having a relationship with a smoker (which I totally understand) regardless of any short or long term plans to quit. There's an immediate judgement on a person's personality when they light up a cigarette...which really isn't totally fair.
I realize that smoking is a self-selecting addiction...as are most. But once you pass a certain point...it gets really difficult to quit, no matter how much you want to. I once had a friend say: "If you get cancer, I won't feel sorry for you because you did it to yourself." Ouch. I mean, it's true, smoking is extremely irresponsible when you KNOW that it its the number one cause of lung cancer...but seriously...do you think that's going to help someone quit? Do you think saying something so disgusting will make the person immediately stomp out their cigarette and thank you for showing them the error of their ways? No.
The end lesson of this post is...be supportive and helpful when someone is trying to quit...because honestly, most smokers don't want to be smoking anymore. We get enough shit as it is. There's a lot of self-esteem issues that are tied to not being in control of something. There have been moments when I've felt like a freaking heroine addict because I was out of cigarettes and money and have gone combing through my house and car for change just to buy a pack and felt really idiotic as I'm on my way to the gas station to buy my vice. It's pretty sad to be so dependent on something. And, like any other addiction, it can be really painful when you are trying to quit. Go and Google "Smoker's Flu" or "Quitters Flu" and read up on that. That's what happens to me every time I quit. I get flu-like symptoms...and if you've ever had the flu, you know how painful and awful it is.
I am fully aware that the benefits of quitting far out weigh the negatives, I would just like people to get off their "I'm better than you because I don't smoke" high-horse and be more supportive. For the most part, people are. Actually, in my experience, it's former smokers who are the worst. They got through it and haven't smoked in um-teen months or years and will be the first to lecture you. I get the whole, if I can do it you can it mentality, but simmer down. I'm happy for you that you were able to quit...you're not me though, so back off.
In any case...there is a plan in place to quit smoking, so never fear. I'm not one that likes it when people ask "how's it going?" or "when was your last cigarette?" because it just reminds me of how much I want one...ha. I don't think I will be completely smoke free by my 30th, but shortly thereafter. So never you fear friends and family. It will happen. Also, if you say hi to me and I just punch you in the neck...don't worry about it...I'm just getting over my addiction ;-)
I stumbled upon this quit smoking PSA...If I had seen this when I was younger, things would have been so much different:
BYEEEE!
No comments:
Post a Comment